The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
