Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
