the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
