I skipped work to stalk him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
