My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
