So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
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I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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