Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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