Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
