the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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