I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
