Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
how drunk are you?
Several
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
