tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.