She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i came on her dog
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
