Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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