Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
