I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
