your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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