I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we made out on top of his cat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
