i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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