We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
