she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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