She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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