I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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