dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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