I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize