I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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