Im at strip club and am horny
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
