woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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