haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
