it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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