yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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