hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
