bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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