Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pants are for mortals
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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