god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
