I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
