She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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