Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
