yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
