i would punch a child for taco bell
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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