I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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