I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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