so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
