I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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