All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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