he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
