did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize