I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
