I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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