I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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