Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
