Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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