Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst night to have a conscience
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
