I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.