i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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