Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.