So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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