just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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