I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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