i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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