When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its liver damage thursday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
