I wish you could order shots online.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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